Sentimental Journey

Sentimental Journey

"Gonna take a Sentimental Journey,
Gonna set my heart at ease.
Gonna take a Sentimental Journey -
To renew old memories.

Never thought my heart could be so yearny
Why did I decide to roam?
Gonna take a Sentimental Journey,
Sentimental Journey home.”

Dear Brothers and Sisters,
You’ll forgive me, I hope, if I begin our conversation with this lilting lyrical tune from 1944 (although, I feel there is never a need to apologise for Doris Day, it is for the context I may need to be forgiven!). There is reason, if not rationale, to this seemingly random premise, for my mind is forever awash with the sentimental reverie of ‘old memories’. This ‘renewal’ at times serves to inspire what our Guru would call a ‘clue’, a spiritual ‘tip’, which leads to some greater understanding:
“ You are feeding yourselves with all these tips, all is loose steps, do-it-yourself kit, so now go to your bed and take your spiritual ladder from earth to heaven.”
My own spiritual path has proved to be an ever evolving recipe, with ingredients taken from a vast store cupboard, a larder of experience, teachings and memory. To continue with this somewhat clunky culinary metaphor: The roux of mysticism, stirred over the heat of divine love, the meat of scripture basted with truth and sincerity, subtly spiced with the personality of the Masterchef, our GuruDev! - “ Cooking is you, converted onto a plate and offered to Brahman.”
But as ever I digress: -
Dear Friends, I have been contemplating and exploring this idea of a personal path, the path for and of the ‘individual self’:
“ Think of God in your own way. Think of yourself- how you can make it easy. Think of God in the way YOU approach God.”
This means finding your own technique, your own strategies for meditation and practise, discovering and crafting your own natural and intimate relationship with God:
“ I don’t meditate to force myself, I don’t go by duty, I go by nature and nature is divine. I don’t go by technique. So much the better if you have technique, but the first technique is love, that’s the only rope that can bind individual self to supreme self. If you have got love you have got everything. And on top of that, if purity is added, sincerity, truthfulness! It takes time, but as long as there is no ego, and you know nothing belongs to you...
Don’t force your own nature. If you can’t do something give it up, put it aside, sleep. But while you are sleeping, cradle your mind. Ramakrishna gives a tip:” When you go to bed, at least if you cannot do anything put your hand on your heart, and think of the Mother.”
To extract solitude or silence from your everyday ‘householder’ life is no easy matter. The Swami often described himself as a “ thief in the night, stealing time and solitude for meditation”. Although I have no memory of him actually ever sleeping, in repose, in meditation- yes, but not actually sleeping, not even snoozing! For me, even when the physical state of solitude is achieved, arresting the ever-racing mind and retrieving some real state of peace is a rare and precious thing. My Grandmother used to say, as she sat in contemplation in her wing-backed armchair, ” Don’t disturb darling, I’m thinking”. This ‘thinking’, I now understand was a natural form of meditation; disengaged yet fully present. What begins as reverie deepens into an expansive plateau of consciousness, what begins as a sentimental journey, can lead you home.
“ You have to have this mind, you have to be calm, to receive, to witness, to put all these divine things into your bones, so when you come back to your ordinary life, you know you are not this, you are soul!”
So my “Dears”, I have come to understand this one small thing about my’ individual’ Self: That my nature is sentimental and my journey through reverie to meditation always begins with a memory. A memory of something, that seemed so inconsequential at the time, can now evoke something profound. So that some thirty years later, seated in an armchair, just such a thought is pushed to the front of the mind. And one is forced to say to a small child peaking round the door, “Don’t disturb darling, I’m thinking”!
And this is what I am thinking: As a young child of the Ashram, I was given a task, a little chore by our Swami at the beginning of each kirtan. On his arrival at the abode of the hosting devotee, in one of his most beautiful and dearly loved celestial chariots, or bangers! In amongst the meeting and greeting, the salutations and welcomes, he would hand me his briefcase; a battered, yet decidedly formal attaché case, with gilded clasps and hinges. Though heavy, I would carry it with care, to his appointed seat in the kirtan room situated before the resplendent shrine. There I was to undo the stiff latches and leave it open and ready. I remember completing this procedure a number of times, over a number of years and in a variety of different locations. This is only of importance from the point of view of what it contained. Firstly the ubiquitous text, a holy scripture that was the ‘ Word’ of the time, be it: Universal Prayers or Sister Josefa, Vivekananda or Anne Catherine Emmerich, Shirdi Sai or Maria Valtorta etcetera, etcetera, for as you know we were never monotonous! It also often held small gifts for a particular devotee, a picture or card, a medal or amulet, specific yet simple treasures. But in retrospect, what was truly extraordinary, was what else the case contained: Never less than a hundred sheets, usually more, two inches deep of foolscap typed up and annotated notes. Page after page of prayer and text, dense sheets of type, with handwritten notations in margin and scrawled symbols in every available space. Now remember this was before the time of computers, before the time of photocopier or word processor. This was work done sitting at a typewriter toiling over key and inky ribbon, and what’s more it was rarely, if ever removed from the case. This was spiritual labour, preparation done prior to a meeting, devotion in the form of work and industry. We think of the Guru as one enlightened, inspired, filled with the spirit, teaching from the illumined page of divinity. He is fully formed teacher, preacher and reacher, the embodiment of Brahman. But also he is spiritual labourer, worker, artisan, skilled practitioner and messenger. His labour may be guided, and I believe in some cases supplied, but it is born of searching endeavour.
“ I didn’t read all these books before, I had a call first, then I wanted to find out more- the Virgin herself was supplying me. She is still supplying me, and it is not finished ... I am telling you what I am doing, and if you abide here, I am getting somewhere to the goal of my life, not forgetting what we have already done. Ramakrishna already reached his goal, then he practised different religions-Christianity, Mohammedan, different, different.... I am perhaps delaying in Hinduism because I have got a kind of work to do and I am doing it.”
There is work in worship, there is work in meditation. But is it not your own devised yet natural way of working, your “do-it- yourself kit”, that builds your spiritual ladder, rung by rung, from earth to heaven. Your own journey (sentimental or not) home.
“ Vedanta points out to aspiring men and women the numerous roads, hewn out of the solid rock of the realities of human life by the glorious sons or human manifestations of God, and stands with outstretched arms to welcome all to that Home of Truth and Ocean of Bliss, wherein the human soul, liberated from the net of maya, may transport itself with perfect freedom and with eternal joy. “
Swami Vivekananda


Blissings, Blessings and Sentimental Love
Sanjana Yogeshwaree
Of the Order of Ambikananda MSSA
(All quotations taken from the teachings of Swami Ambikananda)

yogeshwaree@gmail.com